{"id":4570,"date":"2022-07-07T15:24:54","date_gmt":"2022-07-07T22:24:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.animalhealthfoundation.org\/blog\/?p=4570"},"modified":"2022-07-07T15:24:55","modified_gmt":"2022-07-07T22:24:55","slug":"the-problem-with-may-i-pet-your-dog","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.animalhealthfoundation.org\/blog\/2022\/07\/the-problem-with-may-i-pet-your-dog\/","title":{"rendered":"The Problem with, “May I Pet Your Dog?”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

From: Whole Dog Journal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

www.wholedogjournal.org<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let’s ask the dog – not the handler – and learn when his body language truly is answering “Yes!”<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

By<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0Kathy Callahan, CPDT-KA<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Published:<\/strong>May 23, 2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"petting<\/a>
Is this dog looking forward to being touched by a stranger, or has she learned she has to tolerate it because she’s stuck on a a tight leash and has no choice? If you slow down your greeting and let the dog choose, you’ll know. Photo Credits: Yuril Zushchyk \/ Dreamstime.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It used to be that if folks wanted to pet your dog, they just reached out and did it. Happily, in today\u2019s more well-informed world, there\u2019s usually a quick, \u201cMay I pet your dog?\u201d first.  All too often, though, the moment that permission is granted, the stranger is moving in close and looming over the dog, swiftly thrusting a hand an inch from the dog\u2019s nose. The dog \u2013 perhaps pushed forward a bit by the owner who sees how eagerly the other human wants this \u2013 might find an enthusiastic, two-handed ear jostle is next. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For some dogs \u2013 the stereo-typical Golden Retriever, perhaps? \u2013 this is the moment they\u2019ve been waiting for! That extra human attention may even be the highlight of their walk. If your family has only included extroverted canine ambassadors like this, the idea that a dog would not welcome an outstretched hand is incomprehensible. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet, comprehend we must. Because, believe it or not, few dogs automatically love being trapped on a leash and touched by new people. As hard as it is for us to accept, that quiet dog being petted may well be hating<\/em> every moment that the human is enjoying so much. While that\u2019s important to understand when you\u2019re the stranger in the scenario, it\u2019s absolutely critical when you\u2019re the one holding the leash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DON\u2019T ASSUME THAT DOGS WANT TO BE PETTED<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\"man
Look for consent before the two-handed ear jostle! Photo Credits: Antoniodiaz \/ Dreamstime.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Indeed, plenty of wonderful dogs are not eager to say hello to strangers. They may feel anything from uninterested, to wary, to terrified. In some cases, they have been specially bred \u2013 by humans \u2013 to feel what they\u2019re feeling. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unfortunately, because we humans value petting dogs so much, we often ignore that pesky truth. We tend to believe that all good dogs should happily accept petting from anybody at any time. But dogs have plenty of reasons for choosing to say no:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  • Perhaps they\u2019ve been bred to guard, so this forced interaction with strangers is deeply conflicting.<\/li>
  • Perhaps they\u2019re simply more introverted and don\u2019t enjoy this kind of socialization.<\/li>
  • Perhaps something in their background has made them less trusting of people.<\/li>
  • Perhaps normally they\u2019d be all in, but today their ear hurts, or they are very distracted by the big German Shepherd staring at them from across the street.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n

    There are many reasons, all legitimate, that may make a dog prefer to skip this unnecessary interaction. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    DON\u2019T GIVE CONSENT ON BEHALF OF YOUR DOG<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Becoming conscious of just how deeply some dogs do not want to be randomly touched is the first step toward realizing that we really should be asking dogs, not their handlers, whether or not we can pet them. Ultimately, it\u2019s the dog\u2019s consent we need in order to safely pet them, not the human\u2019s. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Maybe the idea of giving our dogs the right to consent feels strange to you. For my part, it feels downright creepy to not<\/em> give my dog the right to consent or decline to being touched by a stranger. It feels wrong that I have the power to decree, \u201cSure, absolutely, you go right ahead and put your hands all over this dog\u2019s body. She\u2019s so pretty, isn\u2019t she? We all love to touch her.\u201d Ew!  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Of course, dogs can\u2019t verbally answer the \u201cMay I pet you?\u201d question (when given the opportunity to do so), but they sure do answer with their body language. Unfortunately, most people don\u2019t have the skills to read what can be very subtle signals, and as a result, many dogs are routinely subjected to handling that makes them uncomfortable. Worse, this often happens while they\u2019re restrained by a leash with their owner allowing it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    That experience can make dogs even less enamored of strangers, and \u2013 the saddest part \u2013 less trusting of their owners, who did not step up to help them through that moment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    TIPS FOR MAKING FRIENDS WITH A DOG<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    I give my dogs agency when it comes to who touches them and when. If somebody asks, \u201cMay I pet your dog?\u201d I smile at their interest and tell them I\u2019d love for them to ask the dog. Then I show them how: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    • Keep a little distance at first.<\/li>
    • Turn a bit to the side, so you don\u2019t appear confrontational.<\/li>
    • Use your warm, friendly voice to continually reassure. <\/li>
    • Crouch down, so that you\u2019re not looming in a scary way.<\/li>
    • Keep your glances soft and light instead of giving a steady stare.<\/li>
    • Offer your hand to sniff. But instead of the fist shoved unavoidably in the dog\u2019s face (which is what society has been taught is the polite thing to do), simply move that hand ever so slightly toward the dog so she has a choice of whether to get closer to investigate. Look elsewhere as she does so, so she can have a little privacy as she sniffs.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n

      Often, this approach gets us to a waggy \u201cyes\u201d from even a shy dog in 30 seconds! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      HOW TO TELL IF YOUR DOG IS GIVING CONSENT<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      If the dog pulls toward the stranger with a loose, relaxed, or wiggly body, the dog is saying yes. Great!<\/em> The next step is to begin petting the dog in the spot she\u2019s offering \u2013 likely her chest or rump. (A top-of-the-head pat is on many dogs\u2019 list of \u201cTop 10 Things I Hate About Humans.\u201d)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      If my dog does not give a quick or easy \u201cyes,\u201d I may try backing us up a bit and making conversation, because many dogs warm up after having a few minutes at a safe distance to size up a new human. I might feed my dog a few treats while talking to the stranger, or give him some treats to toss near my dog. If she then relaxes and leans into the experience, great! <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

      If not, we just call it a day and move along. That is also<\/em> \u2013 and this is critically important \u2013 great!<\/em> No harm, no foul. No need to apologize if our dogs say, \u201cNo thanks.\u201d We can simply and cheerily head on our way. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      From: Whole Dog Journal www.wholedogjournal.org Let’s ask the dog – not the handler – and learn when his body language truly is answering “Yes!” By \u00a0Kathy Callahan, CPDT-KA Published:May 23, 2022 It used to be that if folks wanted to pet your dog, they just reached out and did it. Happily, in today\u2019s more well-informed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,12,33,134,37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4570","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-behavior-and-training","category-dogs","category-human-animal-bond","category-travel-with-pets","category-traveling-with-your-pet"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Problem with, "May I Pet Your Dog?" | The Animal Health Foundation<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.animalhealthfoundation.org\/blog\/2022\/07\/the-problem-with-may-i-pet-your-dog\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Problem with, "May I Pet Your Dog?" | The Animal Health Foundation\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"From: Whole Dog Journal www.wholedogjournal.org Let’s ask the dog – not the handler – and learn when his body language truly is answering “Yes!” By \u00a0Kathy Callahan, CPDT-KA Published:May 23, 2022 It used to be that if folks wanted to pet your dog, they just reached out and did it. 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